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i had to work with nappily girl on a poem

we were like ok lets just start a random poem and just write down everything we say like a transcript

this is what we ended up with

Tia and Case's Excellent Adventure

Tia:
The winding, solitary road from the cranky classroom
was littered with leaves like crunchy cornflakes
soaked in milk and bathed in burnt lilac perfume.
The autumn-pink grass became mucus spewing snakes
as the ground opened its pointed carnivorous teeth
and breathed on our fresh-picked bones.

CASE:
IT WAS TOTALLY A HELLMOUTH OF MOUTHING HELLS
WITH LIKE FIRE AND FLAMES AND BRIMSTONE AND SHIT
AND WE WERE ALL OH FUCK
ITS A HELLMOUTH OF MOUTHING HELLS
AND PEED OUR PANTS
EXCEPT WE TOTALLY DIDNT
AND THE HELLMOUTH WAS ALL YO DUDES FALL IN ME
AND WE WERE LIKE OH SHIT
AND THEN WE DID
(FELL IN IT, NOT PEED)

Tia:
Our heroes turned their gazes upward and found themselves
in the darkest corner of the universe
smelling of decaying meat and burst souls like ripe honeydews.
From out of the darkness, a Vrykolakas stepped,
cat-like, a bloody concoction of festering death.
It cried, "Who dares enter my kingdom of burning human flesh?
I'll have your eye sockets for rings
and your flesh-flayed fingers for pencils.
State your business or else the worst will befall you!"

CASE:
AND SO WE WERE LIKE
DUDE WE JUST FELL IN A HELLMOUTH OK
AND THEN HE WAS LIKE SO OK SUP WHATCHA DOIN HERE
AND WE WERE LIKE WE DUNNO
AND HE WAS ALL DOOM AND FIRE AND DEATH AND STUFF
SO WE PUNCHED HIM IN THE BALLS
AND HE WAS ALL OW
AND THEN HE DIED
AND THEN WE RAN AWAY

Tia:
Out of the hellmouth our heroes climbed
feeling heavy of heart and light of head
from the fumes of the dreaded rotting Vrykolakas
still littering our soiled shoes.
The hellmouth closed its fiery gates from behind us
as the storm ash and hail and dust began to snow
skulls and bones and teeth and severed heads
followed by cords of bloody intestines spiraling out of the sky
bombarding our heroes and killing several passers-by.

CASE:
AND THEN THERE WERE SOME TERRORISTS
BECAUSE NO STORY IS GOOD WITHOUT TERRORISTS
OR ZOMBIES OR DINOSAURS
OK SO THEY WERE ZOMBIE DINOSAUR TERRORISTS
BUT ANYWAY THEY ARRIVED IN A HELICOPTER
AND WE WERE LIKE OH SHIT
AND THEY WERE FIRING EPIC AMOUNTS OF BULLETS EVERYWHERE
FROM THE RAIL GUN ATTACHED TO THE BOTTOM OF THE HELICOPTER
AND WE WERE ALL OH SHIT SQUARED
AND DIVED BEHIND SOME ROCKS BUT THEN
WE CLIMBED TO THE TOP OF SOME BUILDING AND
JUMPED OFF ONTO THE HELICOPTER
AND TOTALLY WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND
CAUSE THIS POEM NEEDED AN ACTION SEQUENCE ALREADY
GOD

Tia:
Crazy monkeys, not yet sober,
opened up the hatchet and came spilling out
with machetes and um umbrellas?
What on earth is going on here?
Isn't this supposed to be a horrifying poem
filled with terror of epic proportions?
Who's narrating here?

CASE:
AND THEN THE HELICOPTER EXPLODED
AND WE WERE ALL OH SHIT WE'RE DEAD
BUT THEN SUDDENLY IN A BLINDING FLASH OF LIGHT
APPEARED GEORGE WASHINGTON ON A UNICORN
AND HE WAS ALL TAKE MY HAND NOBLE HEROES
WE WILL RIDE TOGETHER TO SAFETY
AND WE WERE ALL OH SHIT ITS
GEORGE WASHINGTON!!!
BACK FROM THE GRAVE!!!
AND WE TOOK HIS HAND AND CLIMBED ATOP HIS STEED AND

Tia:
But what about the monkeys?
Don't they have a role?
Or are they just forgotten heroes?
Like the poor dead Vrykolakas?
Oh, wait he's supposed to be dead.

CASE:
AND THEN GEORGE WASHINGTON FOUND THE VRYKOLAKAS
AND STEPPED ON HIS HEAD AND WAS ALL
WHATEVER THIS IS AMERICA NOT GREECE!!!
AND THEN HE GAVE US GREASY CHEESEBURGERS
AND HAPPY MEALS AND WE WERE LIKE YAY AMERICA
AND WE RODE TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND

Tia:
Do I have no say here?
I started the poem
I should finish it!
Why are you stealing my show?

CASE:
YOUR SHOW WAS EMO ANYWAY
AND THEN WE MET LED ZEPPELIN AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Tia:
Wait Led Zeppelin?
Who wrote this?

CASE:
I DID

Tia:
I thought we were both writing it!

CASE:
WELL YOUR VERSION SUCKED

Tia:
What? That's it, I quit!

CASE:
FINE WELL ANYWAY
LED ZEPPELIN WAS

Tia:
Wait, hang on, I don't quit!
I started it, I want to finish it!

Our heroes arrived safely at the White House
holding their hands plastered to their greasy cheeseburgers
in the rustic autumn winter.
For defeating the Vrykolakas --

CASE:
BY PUNCHING HIM IN THE BALLS

Tia:
-- FOR DEFEATING THE VRYKOLAKAS,
and sending him back to the hell he came from
we award thee with a week in the rolling hills of Kastoria,
now a deserted town, a hole in the ground,
surrounded by the mountains of Greece.

CASE:
WHAT THE FUCK KINDA REWARD IS THAT
WE ALSO GOT A BILLION DOLLARS
AND OUR OWN UNDEAD MONKEY
AND OWNERSHIP OF THE LOST CIVILZATION OF ATLANTIS
AND AN ICE CREAM CONE

Tia:
with blood, not strawberry syrup

CASE:
AND WONDERED WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY EAT THAT SHIT

Tia:
ANYWAY our heroes boarded the starship headed toward Greece
with anxiety written on their pale faces.
Undead monkey ... in hand, they sailed to the future
of won-ton smiles broiled in glue.

CASE:
AND THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ANY MORE

Tia:
The black starship, dark as the pits of an inactive volcano's soul
gurgled and spit out garnets and emeralds covered in slime

CASE:
BECAUSE THE WARP DRIVE WAS BROKEN
AND WE WERE ALL SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING
AND THEN WE GOT TELEPORTED TO 2012
AND THEN THE WORLD EXPLODED THE END

Tia:
No, that's not how it ended!
This is how it ended!
In an instant of time and space and dimension,
the spaceship

CASE:
EXPLODED

Tia:
NO, the starship sailed

CASE:
AND EXPLODED

Tia:
NO
THE STARSHIP SAILED INTO THE BLACK FUTURE

CASE:
WHERE IT EXPLODED

Tia:
NO
WHERE IT SAW A BLACK EARTH burnt to excellence
now a dreadful color, not a drop of color,
all humanity extinguished by the flames
as told in the Greek Bible

CASE:
AND THEN THE SHIP EXPLODED

Tia:
OK FINE IT CAN EXPLODE ALREADY
Ok the spaceship exploded into a thousand chunks
of feeling and humor and pounding hearts
united in terror

CASE:
AND THEN ACTUALLY EXPLODED FOR REAL LIKE INTO LITTLE PIECES
LIKE SPECIAL EFFECTS IN SCI FI MOVIES
AND EVERYONE DIED CAN WE GO HOME ALREADY

Tia:
no
not yet
here's what really happened
the Earth was a black hole that sucked the life out of everyone
and only a few good remaining souls are left
that would be you and me

CASE:
EXCEPT NOT ME BECAUSE I GOT IMPATIENT WAITING
FOR THE GODDAMN SPACESHIP TO EXPLODE
AND STABBED YOU IN THE FACE

Tia:
you know i dont think this is working out

CASE:
THE END!!!!!!